Favorite Albums 2012

Another election year down the drain. Too many mass shootings. Another Apocalypse that never came. My realization that a creature named Honey Boo Boo actually exists. And reunions that I thought would NEVER happen, that of course, I could not attend. While there were many reasons to be stressed out in 2012, these are the records that kept me sane.

The Weeknd – “Echoes Of Silence”

Sick of finally getting that girl you’ve been chasing after only to have the General come up a bit soft? Fuck Cialis. Don’t even bother with the Viagra. Put away that prick pump you got off the Internet, you fucking pervert. Instead do yourself favor and quit stuffing your fat face with Chick-Fil-A. Hit the gym. Get that blood flowing and when that special someone comes over do yourself (and her) a favor and pop on The Weeknd – Echo of Silence on as soon as she crosses the threshold. It’ll get you two ready to roll quicker than a bottle of Mommy Juice and the audio book of Fifty Shades of Grey. The sexiest album of 2012. Proof that Canadians do it better. Breathtaking. Heartbreaking. And just enough groove to get that candle lit party started.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-iW1-BuJ_Hc]

Torche – “Harmonicraft”

Remember that time you got really stoned and put the Care Bears Movie on. Put that fucker on mute and then listenend to the Black Sabbath catalog over it? No? Was that just me? Well, if the Care Bears really had smoked nothing but rainbows and then played out that wonderful Black Sabbath soundtrack with some Melvins and a touch of Foo Fighters, Torche’s “Harmonicraft” would no doubt end up being the outcome. To write a record this catchy while maintaining a certain heaviness Torche has become known for is a feat that should be fucking celebrated.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LayXKzbhtfQ]

Baroness – “Yellow & Green”

Everyone meet Christopher Weingarten. My newest favorite reason to hate Spin magazine. In a little piece entitled “Baroness’ ‘Yellow & Green’: Hear the Metal Album of the Year”, Weingarten has the following to say,

Ultimately two new albums on two discs — the pastoral Green is their I Am…, the hulking churn of Yellow their Sasha Fierce..

That’s right ladies and gents, Mr Weingarten, in my most favorite face palm comparison of the year, has compared Baroness to Beyonce fucking Knowles. Because OBVIOUSLY the first thing you think of when listening to this marvelous double album is how much you wanna put a fucking ring on it!

After smoking a cigarette and trying to figure out how to not completely berate him via twitter, I simply tweeted him asking if he could give me ONE logical reason for the comparison.

His response? “They’re both great pop albums?”

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW!?!?

Was it “Hear Pop Album of the Year”? Nope. Good ol’ “Metal Album of the Year”. This kind of brilliance is what gets you promoted to Senior Editor at SPIN.

The next time some poor kid says he just found Slayer Reign in Blood, tell him to check out Cyndi Lauper She’s So Unusual.. Obviously there’s a logical connection.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxNYP-OaPhE]

Title Fight – “Floral Green”

As per usual,  there would be one record that sparked feelings of nostalgia this year. A record that I easily would’ve stolen from my older siblings in the summer of 95. Riding bikes or playing street hockey,  pretending to be a Mighty Duck and wondering who this Pantera was that Charlie Conway was talking about in D2. Being blown away at sleep overs when I learned about AOL and that my computer can talk to other computers. While the influences are worn heavily on their sleeves and they may not take away from the impact that some of the bands had on my youth. I really did enjoy the trip down memory lane.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIbndxFYsSU]

Death Grips – “The Money Store”

Were they referencing the Pyramid building here in Sacramento? Or was it a metaphor for cashing in when L.A Reid signed Sacto’s gnarliest to Epic earlier in 2012 when they titled this record, we may never know. What we do know is they still bring heat. Ex Military was no fluke. While less abrasive on first listen, The Money Store’s imagery is just as gritty as previous material. With some of the CATCHIEST hooks I’ve heard all year. Less chaotic but definitely more of a cohesive experience. This album could not be denied. They’re still “teachin’  bitches how to swim.”

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=74NA48f66kk]
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